My Love from The Past (or Real Love is Apparently Unreal)

Maybe it's time I start accepting reality and stop believing that True Love exists.

One by one, the couples I've considered blessed enough to have experienced True Love are starting to break up with each other, forget each other, and go on their separate ways. I listen to them talk about their reasons and it pains me to hear them say that they have forgotten the feeling of being in love with that person, of wanting to grow old together, of wanting to spend every moment together. I wanted them to feel despair yet I don't see that in their eyes nor hear it in their words. Frankly, I seem to be more disheartened by the turn of events. I felt ridiculed and ridiculous.

I don't believe in it because I want to experience it for myself. Rather, as disillusioned as I was of it happening to me, I felt happy that other people get to experience its magic despite the sad reality of... well, reality. I was contented and happy for them. I wasn't wishing for anyting more. It was enough for me to see True Love envelope other people. So why did it have to show me its hideous side? It seems that love, like life, is as unfair and evil.

There was once a person who asked me what I think Heaven is like. I told him that as far as I've heard and read about it, it's a gold-paved place, where everyone is happy and contented. He replied that he hoped it was a place where you can be together forever with the person you love the most and spend eternity in an everlasting happiness. I smiled, I wanted to tell him that I wanted it to be the same way, I didn't. Instead, I contested his belief and told him that people in Heaven should not feel any emotions, for it is emotions that makes this world ugly. I waited for him to tell me otherwise. He didn't. He agreed with me.

I laughed darkly. He said that he still hopes Heaven is a place where love should exist regardless of me appearing to be right. I felt happy. That time I thought that as long as people like him exists, the world would be a better place. (I hope that he is still the same person he was 2 years ago.)

As I watch couples around me fall apart left and right, I found myself praying for him to magically appear in front of me and make me believe again. I found myself crying and hoping to see him again. I wanted to hold onto the feeling of love that I felt when I am with him. Unrequited it maybe, but it was the only love I know that remains to be real. At least I am sure of my own feelings. And I hoped he stayed the same. (Hah, maybe my feelings aren't as genuine as they seem to me.) I still fervently hope that my love is real though.

Note: These are my thoughts after watching "My Love from Another Star". I just feel sad though not terribly sad, more like sad empty and I had to get it out of my system. I miss that person.